Because:

Instructor:  You never handed in your assignment on ethos.

Student:  Yeah.  I've been putting my time into other classes.

Because they're such awful liars:

Student:  I stopped by your office.  You weren't there.

Instructor:  I was in my office all day.

Student: (mouth hanging open)  Maybe it was somebody else's office.

Because:

Instructor:  You lose a letter grade off your final grade for each absence over four.  You have five absences.

Student:  (brief pause)  So how many letter grades is that?

Instructor:  (silently to self) Oh my.

Because:

"Tardy?  I was only five minutes late."

Because of conversations like:

Instructor:  No sources from the world wide web for this paper.

Student: What about cnn.com?

Because at the end of the lesson:

"Should we be writing this down?"

Because of conversations like:

Student:  Wait.  We had class on Monday?

Instructor:  It's a Monday-Wednesday-Friday class.

Student:  I know, but I thought.........Okay, nevermind.

Because of questions like:

"Are we writing our own essay, orrrrr...?"

??????

Because of questions like:

"We're not having a quiz, are we?  Because I didn't do the reading."

Because they hate school, and decided going to college would be a really good idea.

"College would be pretty cool if it wasn't for all the homework n' shit."

Because of opening lines like:

"Obscenities in the new digital media has been a hot issue since the beginning of man."

Because after you've told them there is no way they can pass the class, they decide to start showing up and handing in homework.

Happy Holidays

As midterms are upon us, I would like to offer everyone a happy "my grandma/grandpa died" week.  Cheers!

Back to "Why college students are so dumb..."

Because you show them their paper and the article they copied it from side by side, and they stare open-mouthed and amazed, scrunch their eyebrows like they don't understand, as though they'll convince you it's some incredible coincidence.

Because they don't understand that college is not a job training seminar.

"Why do I have to take English? No Registered Nurses I seen ever wrote a paper at work."

Because of conversations like:

Student:  I hate intellectual crap.  I hate it.

Instructor:  Well, this is college.  Intellect is pretty much what we do.

Student:  Oh.

Because they haven't figured out that Visine and coffee are a stoner-student's friends.